Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
