maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
