ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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