I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
