I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
