i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
