I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
