i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
