I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
