i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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