Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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