just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
