He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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