i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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