Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So here I am, sexting at work.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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