It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Girls should come with a carfax report
a search helicopter?!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
