I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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