I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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