mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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