So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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