When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
