Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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