Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
