They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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