The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
