watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
