These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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