According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
