the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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