no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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