She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
