Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
