she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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