i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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