I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
