He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
