just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
