He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
