I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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