at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
