everyone is single if you try hard enough
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
