Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
