yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
