So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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