its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize