My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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