Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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