we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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