I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
