My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
