You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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