A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
