i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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