Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
