i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
