I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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