i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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