Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
