if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
someone owes me an orgasm
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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