the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
