Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my poor anus
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween