it wasn't lemon gatorade
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.