you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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