This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.