I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him