So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.