brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
