even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
