Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
