I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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