If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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