when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
