Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
