A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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