I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.