Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house