If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something