I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0