been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.