im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night