your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
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I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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