so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
