you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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