Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
