I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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