No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
